All relationships can present problems at some time or another.

When it begins to affect life in general then help may be needed.

Work relationships, couple relationships, friends, family - these are some of the areas

where more serious problems can occur.

It is possible to find out what is going on in each unique situation, and any desired changes can be worked on.

healthy communication, healthy conflict, healthy argument.

You can actually recognise an unhealthy relationship quite early on - very often in the first few hours

of meeting someone, sometimes in the first few minutes!

The trouble is we don't always recognise this - why?

This is because there can very often be something that is familiar to us about an unhealthy negative trait.

We can be so used to it that it feels normal, even comfortable.

It is often to do with our early experiences. Because of this it can also represent security.

That's why we don't always recognise it as unhealthy or negative.

Sometimes we do see the potentially damaging things in a relationship but we ignore them or make excuses.

Again this can be because it is familiar, but very often it is because a person can be desperate

for someone to love, or for someone to love them. This is often to do with self-esteem and this can be changed.

Listen to your instincts and anxieties.

Arguing is healthy. If there is a problem or a disagreement about something

healthy arguing can resolve the problem.

Even if the end result is agreement to differ, the people involved have expressed their feelings

and everyone has heard each other.

Unfortunately a lot of people don't know how to argue healthily.

Usually we learn how to argue in our families as children. In some families arguing is not allowed,

so when we grow up we have no idea how to do it, we may be frightened of doing it.

It may have been done by a parent withdrawing, walking away, rejecting the child.

This can be frightening and upsetting for a child.

Sometimes it is done by physically throwing things

or by physically or verbally attacking another.

People can find themselves repeating the same behaviour when they become adult, as their families did,

without understanding why or wanting to, but finding it very hard to control or to change.

All problems have the potential to be resolved and behaviour can always be changed.

New techniques can be learned as old techniques are unlearned.

The past very often needs to be understood and feelings discharged, before a long term change is possible.

Very often the only way to change someone else's behaviour can be to change your own -

the other person will often react differently.